AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want: A Mans Guide to Dating, by a Woman

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Value for Money Is the product worth the price paid for it? The shortage of female confidence is increasingly well quantified and well documented. In , the Institute of Leadership and Management, in the United Kingdom, surveyed British managers about how confident they feel in their professions. Half the female respondents reported self-doubt about their job performance and careers, compared with fewer than a third of male respondents.

At Manchester Business School, in England, professor Marilyn Davidson has seen the same phenomenon, and believes that it comes from a lack of confidence. Each year she asks her students what they expect to earn, and what they deserve to earn, five years after graduation. A meticulous study by the Cornell psychologist David Dunning and the Washington State University psychologist Joyce Ehrlinger homed in on the relationship between female confidence and competence. The less competent people are, the more they overestimate their abilities—which makes a strange kind of sense.

They gave male and female college students a quiz on scientific reasoning. Before the quiz, the students rated their own scientific skills. The women rated themselves more negatively than the men did on scientific ability: on a scale of 1 to 10, the women gave themselves a 6.

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When it came to assessing how well they answered the questions, the women thought they got 5. And how did they actually perform? Their average was almost the same—women got 7. The women were much more likely to turn down the opportunity: only 49 percent of them signed up for the competition, compared with 71 percent of the men. Talking with Ehrlinger, we were reminded of something Hewlett-Packard discovered several years ago, when it was trying to figure out how to get more women into top management positions.

A review of personnel records found that women working at HP applied for a promotion only when they believed they met percent of the qualifications listed for the job.


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Men were happy to apply when they thought they could meet 60 percent of the job requirements. At HP, and in study after study, the data confirm what we instinctively know. Overqualified and overprepared, too many women still hold back. Women feel confident only when they are perfect. Or practically perfect. Brenda Major, a social psychologist at the University of California at Santa Barbara, started studying the problem of self-perception decades ago.

The actual performances did not differ in quality. Today, when she wants to give her students an example of a study whose results are utterly predictable, she points to this one.

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Do men doubt themselves sometimes? Of course. If anything, men tilt toward overconfidence—and we were surprised to learn that they come by that state quite naturally. Ernesto Reuben, a professor at Columbia Business School, has come up with a term for this phenomenon: honest overconfidence. In a study he published in , men consistently rated their performance on a set of math problems to be about 30 percent better than it was. We were curious to find out whether male managers were aware of a confidence gap between male and female employees.

And indeed, when we raised the notion with a number of male executives who supervised women, they expressed enormous frustration. They said they believed that a lack of confidence was fundamentally holding back women at their companies, but they had shied away from saying anything, because they were terrified of sounding sexist. He eventually concluded that confidence should be a formal part of the performance-review process, because it is such an important aspect of doing business.

The fact is, overconfidence can get you far in life. Cameron Anderson, a psychologist who works in the business school at the University of California at Berkeley, has made a career of studying overconfidence. In , he conducted some novel tests to compare the relative value of confidence and competence. He gave a group of students a list of historical names and events, and asked them to tick off the ones they knew. The experiment was a way of measuring excessive confidence, Anderson reasoned.

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The fact that some students checked the fakes instead of simply leaving them blank suggested that they believed they knew more than they actually did. The students who had picked the most fakes had achieved the highest status. Confidence, Anderson told us, matters just as much as competence. Within any given organization, be it an investment bank or the PTA, some individuals tend to be more admired and more listened to than others.

They are not necessarily the most knowledgeable or capable people in the room, but they are the most self-assured. He mentioned expansive body language, a lower vocal tone, and a tendency to speak early and often in a calm, relaxed manner. That is a crucial point. True overconfidence is not mere bluster. They genuinely believe they are good, and that self-belief is what comes across.

Most people can spot fake confidence from a mile away.

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You have to have it to excel. We also began to see that a lack of confidence informs a number of familiar female habits. Take the penchant many women have for assuming the blame when things go wrong, while crediting circumstance—or other people—for their successes. Men seem to do the opposite. Women tend to respond differently. Perfectionism is another confidence killer. We fixate on our performance at home, at school, at work, at yoga class, even on vacation.

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We obsess as mothers, as wives, as sisters, as friends, as cooks, as athletes. The irony is that striving to be perfect actually keeps us from getting much of anything done. So where does all of this start? If women are competent and hardworking enough to outpace men in school, why is it so difficult to keep up later on?

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As with so many questions involving human behavior, both nature and nurture are implicated in the answers. The very suggestion that male and female brains might be built differently and function in disparate ways has long been a taboo subject among women, out of fear that any difference would be used against us.

For decades—for centuries, actually—differences real or imagined were used against us. Yet male and female brains do display differences in structure and chemistry, differences that may encourage unique patterns of thinking and behavior, and that could thereby affect confidence. This is a busy area of inquiry, with a steady stream of new—if frequently contradictory, and controversial—findings. Some of the research raises the intriguing possibility that brain structure could figure into variations between the way men and women respond to challenging or threatening circumstances.

They are involved in processing emotional memory and responding to stressful situations. Studies using fMRI scans have found that women tend to activate their amygdalae more easily in response to negative emotional stimuli than men do—suggesting that women are more likely than men to form strong emotional memories of negative events.

Or consider the anterior cingulate cortex. This little part of the brain helps us recognize errors and weigh options; some people call it the worrywart center. In evolutionary terms, there are undoubtedly benefits to differences like these: women seem to be superbly equipped to scan the horizon for threats.

Yet such qualities are a mixed blessing today. You could say the same about hormonal influences on cognition and behavior.